Thursday, September 13, 2007
.::::.
So something I just noticed. People need to take breaks from other people. There has never been anyone that at one point or another that I’ve needed to be away from. This presents problems when one gets married. Rather interesting to think about. What if you need a break from your husband and family?? I know some people go on woman retreats or girls night out but my mom never did that. I am not really sure how that works. There are periods when someone you talk to all the time you simply can not talk to for a while for mental health what happens when that is your spouse? If you think about it, it's really sad to think that you wouldn't want to talk to your spouse at times but I'm more than sure it happens what do you do???
Posted by Mary at
8:50 AM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
.::::.
So I am not sure what is going on lately but I've all the sudden had a huge desire to get married, date, something intimate with a boy. I do know that is highly impossible right now considering I know absolutely no guys here in Abilene and my other guy friends I'm not ready to date or don't want to date. I understand the basic reason for these feelings but they really do suck a whole lot. You know I just came to a realization I don't think it's specifically wanting a guy like I thought it was (though that’s how it appears) but it's the fact I don't get hugs. Touch is a vital thing as a human. People need to be touched and loved on physically. There is a saying that says you need 4 hugs a day to keep from going insane. Well maybe these random feelings of wanting a guy when it’s totally not realistic are my cry of insanity from not receiving enough hugs. Yeah I can totally see and feel that. The reason I do want a boy would be to cuddle, to touch not in a bad way but just that actual contact with another human. The more I think about it, I do believe that is the reason I like so many covers at night, the weight and warmth is something like human touch. It's totally why I don't wanna get out of bed and why I've wanted so many naps when I know I'm getting more than enough sleep. Well at least I now know the issue; I wish I knew the answer....
Posted by Mary at
7:16 PM
.::::.
I do so enjoy wearing Goth clothing. I really am more comfortable this way. I feel like I can be me though I hate to say it but the world really does affect this aspect of my life. As much as I like wearing all black cute clothing it really just is not accepted first from Christians, then in the work place, and really anywhere but specific areas. Honestly that is very sad. I wore some of my Goth clothes today simply because I wanted to have the feeling of being me here. Well no one really looked down on it (besides slightly my work but that’s a long funny story and part of the reason I love working there lol) but at the same time people weren't really accepting of it either. I was walking to my cross training class and people would turn away from me and Try not to stare, kinda of interesting how when I wear certain clothing I'm all the sudden not” normal" and it becomes awkward. Granted this is something I am very used to when I wear these clothes but it just hit funny when I was walking. In all honesty that caused a reaction that has never happened while wearing these clothes before. I actually played the part of the stereotype. I became more closed off more hating the world ish if that makes sense. It scared me a little. It was totally fine after that but it was an interesting few minutes. I very much wish I could just be this person who wears these clothes and feels just confident in that but the world really does just influence that too much to be possible. It draws too much attention, and is stereotyped to the point that it would hurt who I'm trying so hard to be for Christ. Tis a sad realization when one realizes that something simple like clothing really does effect (either helping or hurting) your witness.
Posted by Mary at
7:04 PM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
.::::.
Well I was told I needed to update.... SOooo here it is.
I find it interesting that even though I'm so much more open that I ever was before I still keep people at a distance. I have a few friends here in Abilene but I definitely don't open up to them very much. I have had times in tears and times of utter joy that they have absolutely no clue about. Part of me wonders if it's just who I am hanging out with or if it's really something I should work on. I donno a big part of me wants to know that they first of all care at all about what I'm saying and if not then why talk? I guess I want them to ask and then I'll be happy to share. I know I don't always ask but then again I don't have a need to when they just share anyway. Part of this is my shy tendency, I really have never just told people about my day, what’s going on with me and various things like that without them asking or unless I know they want to know. Is that somehow wrong, or not the way to make friends? I feel like such an outcast a lot but at the same time I'm pretty sure I'm making myself an outcast because I don't share with them.
Another thing I've found interesting is that I haven’t really met anyone in about a week at least. I don't know anyone very well but without any assistance I haven’t met anyone in a while. Without being in that school just started everyone meet people mode I'm not totally sure I know how to meet people. I know I will this weekend when I go camping with my friend but again that’s with assistance. I donno.
Posted by Mary at
10:42 AM
