Tuesday, September 12, 2006
.::::.
Wow I havn't used this in forever. But, then again I havn't felt like this in forever.... Why do I let people get close?? Why? They only hate me later. The sad thing it isn't even anything I did. It's because a boy likes me. I think things like this has happend before but I was too young and stupid to really care this is a little more prevelant because it's my accountability partner/ best friend. I feel betrayed simply because a boy likes me and not her. That when I'm around I'm some how alluring to guys that makes them like me and then I get in trouble because of it. I don't know how this happens. God, why? I was really just getting over my trust issue then something like this happens... God did You really mean for me not to trust people? I thought you wanted us to be transparent to the world? Doesn't that require some aspect of trust to the world? Or maybe I'm just misconstrune in my thinking that I don't need to trust people just God and that in turn will give me the trust to be transparent. That must be it. I donno why I didn't see that before. But, it does mean that I have to be open which is hard for me to do. I know God will lead me through but I'm scared. I know God is here with me now that I'm hurting that a close friend has been so distant and in my feelings of betrayal. Thank you God You are truly amazing. That is just astounding how God just worked through my problem in a way that I thought I had left behind. I'm not sure i should post this but it is the way God worked through my issue so... yeah. Anyway I am so blessed that Denis is around. I can honestly say I have someone to truly look up to. In many ways I look up to people for just some aspects of their life but in Denis I find a true role modle and a good friend. I'm so blessed that God put her in my life this semester. I wish i could stay and get closer to her. Though with recent events it seems that God has a plan for me only to know people so long before I leave and only get so close. I donno why but thats how it seems to work all the time. This would make marriage very hard, it could be that I'm meant to be single. The more and more I think about it in a Godly prayerful way thats what I am getting. I know this is going to be a HUGE struggle and a long experience but I know God is here with me.
Posted by Mary at
7:25 PM
