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You know sometimes I fear going to college cuz of how alone I'll be and then other times I can't wait to be alone and fully control my life and surroundings. Well at least with most things. Ya know. I can't wait to learn what I want to and not worry about stupid classes that teach you nothing. I wish I knew some way to get everything I need to done and have energy to still be happy. I think it's either I do what I should/ need to and be pooped all the time or not get everything done and put on a smile. Coffee has started to make me more sleepy So I think I'm not going to drink it anymore maybe I'll do tea in the mornings and just have coffee when I go to coffee houses with friends. I guess we'll see. So yeah. Random Thought of the day. God said treat your body as His Temple. That makes being lazy about working out or getting up and looking nice vs. Not seem horrible. If I was to truly do everything for God I would want to do everything the best I could. Why does that seem so hard. It really shouldn't be. Maybe it's cuz I think about it all too much. I donno whatever it is it's hard to always do everything full out. I'm just not geared that way. I feel like a need a retreat though I know that getting away would just make it harder to do things here. Sigh. I just need to get my act together. I think what would be helpful would be getting ready for college like really. First by getting rid of things I don't need and packing up things I don't use and living on only what I need. I think that would help a lot. I'm not sure why maybe it's cuz I was so much happier in the apartment because I had what I needed and nothing else it made me happy. So yeah. Though I know I can't do that alone sooo if anyone happens to have some free time and wants to help me out in my room let me know hehe. So more pouring out of my heart. Part of me wants to leave the things that tie me here so I feel free to go to college. (Like some church things) Just kinda slow back away from going all the time and things like that. Maybe go to Mr Cromwells church this last few months and enjoy that. I donno. But part of me wants to keep what I have there as long as possible. I know I can't/ won't leave the youth group until I have to because it's been a big part of my life and I'm a YLT so yeah. But I think I can pull back from things like CR and Sunday church. (kinda wanna say in Sunday school so I see some people but yeah) And I think I'll stay in bible study but leave the choir and youth band behind. Also at school I donno much I can leave there that I haven't already maybe back away from ASL club but I'm pres so maybe not lol. Home it totally not an option lol. But I do wanna quit work but I donno I'm about to be a shift leader and they need me to train people so I donno. Maybe after I finish that I'll go. (btw Matt (the owner) just hired this really cute guy hehe he's not my type and kinda rude but hey fun to look at lol) Wow so this is a very random posting of just my thoughts and feelings at the moment. I think I'll stop and let ya'll try to make sense out of that lol. Have fun. Tootles
Posted by Mary at
3:50 PM
