Wednesday, December 29, 2004
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Well Hello everyone who actually still reads this. I know that the last entry was a quite harsh but that's my feelings and no one can take those away. Most of the time no one can change them either that's just how things go. So anyway enough about that. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and didn't get too wrapped up in the gifts more in the meaning of the gifts/ reason we're giving gifts. If you want to know about my experience with 21 people in my grandparents house do just ask and you will hear many accounts of how weird my family really is. I'm so not ready for school yet. I have to read a BA book and well instead of being smart and taking one I just took my pleasure book and read that. OH well. This last 18 weeks of public required school shall be weird. I hope nothing to bad happens. I hope I get accepted to college. I guess we'll just see where God wants me to be.
It's so weird to think that I might actually become a minister. Kinda one of those almost duhs to some people but it completely shocks me sometimes. Though it seems like just about every day I'm coming up with different ideas for out reaches as a minister. I can't wait to be honest. I think this is something I will truly love my whole life. I'm scared about college. What I'll be exposed to what standards will be set at the school I will go to and the standards of a religious major. Kinda scary if you think about it.
I know so many people who "explore" at college but I don't see the need to explore. So many times there are examples of what happens in the "exploring, why can't people learn from others mistakes. I still don't know what to think about alcohol. I mean I know I won't ever drink any more than a sip to taste (I like knowing what it tastes like just so I know and don't need to drink a whole think to learn). Yet I know not what to think of friends drinking or significant others drinking and what is to much and what is ok. I guess this is something I'll be struggling with for a while.
Well that's totally not where I meant this to go but you know how minds just wander and whatever is on your mind it what seems to come out in the writing here. I guess that's the only way to be really honest is just to spout out what you think and just let your fingers type. Rather dangerous at the same time though and for me being a rather shy person I sure do say a lot of personal things here don't I. I'm not sure why maybe it's cuz while I'm typing I don't think about who reads this I just type. Maybe it's because I need to get these things out yet talking isn't always the way to do that cuz it won't come up or you just don't want to specifically talk to someone. Which ever the reason it comes out here and I hope whoever reads this knows that I do that.
Posted by Mary at
8:40 PM
Monday, December 20, 2004
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I'm really tired of having all these guys like me. I mean I'm so leaving in like 18 more weeks of school. The one person I do like does not live here and I really don' t know how much I like that person. I know people are probably like why are you complaining about that but telling people that you don't like them the way they like you is one of the hardest things to do. Yes grin and bare it it's harder for the other person but when you are friends with the people you are telling this too it hurts to see You hurt them. While I know this hurts them it needs to be done. I know it's partly my fault and some people would say I lead them on well I'm going to do my best to no longer do that or even give them the idea that I would want something to happen. SO that's my venting on guys
Posted by Mary at
7:53 PM
Sunday, December 19, 2004
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SOooo. I really don't want to leave just yet I'm going to attempt to stay a few extra days and see what happens. Though I kinda wanna go I miss my gma and wanna help get things ready but I donno. I guess we shall see.
I think I stirred something with my last post it's rather interesting I think we should do things like that more often. It's fun.
Posted by Mary at
7:10 PM
Friday, December 17, 2004
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You know I'm kinda amazed at how many "perfect" days I can think up. To bad none of them will happen at least anytime soon. Sigh Oh well. Life goes on.
Posted by Mary at
11:20 PM
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
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I donno if I could ever explain what happened tonight. To those that were there they know much of what I am speaking of to those of you who weren't I"m sorry. It's amazing how somethings just change you forever. The Passion of the Christ certainly did that for me. Yes I am still me I still have faults but I will never be able to hear about the death of Jesus without tearing up or thinking of the scenes in that movie. I have only seen it once but that is all it takes to imprint the story and the images of good Friday. Yes I do want to see it again to catch somethings I know I missed the first time. To see and understand what I did not before. I want to watch it some time during the Christmas Holiday because I know it's the reason for this season as well as lent. There is someone I would like to see it with though I doubt that person wants to watch it with me. It's not a movie you want to see and can't see it very often. But to see it if you are open it will change you.
Posted by Mary at
8:24 PM
Saturday, December 11, 2004
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Well recently I've soo felt more like cuddling than in a long time. I donno what it is but I seem to always wanna cuddle with people. I know I'm a huggy be close to me person but it's weird now I just wanna sit with someone and be really close. I donno if it's the holidays or what it is but Mary wants to cuddle.
Posted by Mary at
11:07 PM
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
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Well ok so I'm taking a break from hw to update cuz I haven't in a while. So many things are changing as of late. I'm not sure why either. Maybe it's because people realize I'm leaving and most likely not coming back but to visit maybe it's cuz I'm realizing that but either way all of my friends suddenly have a different relationship with me. It's really interesting. I don't mean the change from the beginning of the year to now though that's huge also I mean in November to December changes. I wouldn't think changes would occur so rapidly but I guess that's part of being a teenager. This has been such an outlet for me yet somehow now it almost feels like posting something here is violating my privacy. I donno why. Any theory's lemmie know. Maybe it's because I'm so much more open here than I ever am naturally. Most of my friends know you have to pry things out of me I'm not a trusting person. Well ok so I need to get back to hw I'll ttyl bye byes
Posted by Mary at
6:57 PM
Thursday, December 02, 2004
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Well lets see this is going to be extremely short sorry. So I soo need to do Cromwell ec but it's so hard to get motivated sigh. Then I did some special stuff for WNL not this week but next I'm so excited!!! You should come and see it'll be awesome! So My dad and mom def kinda chewed me out for not doing the train thing on my b-day not that they helped. Oh well . Anyway. I think I'm going x-mas shopping this week. I so need to decide how much money I wanna spend. Cuz I know if I don't I'll buy too much. I'm overly good at that this time of year. Ok well I'm done. Tootles.
Posted by Mary at
8:36 PM
