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Ok so I'm just gonna kinda pour my heart out so yeah don't take this too seriously and don't ask me about it please it's just me releasing feelings.
I love Hugs I love contact with people. I love that kinda thing. I love doing it with people who are just friends. Which is really rather odd cuz my rents don't hug me or anything. And sense they don't when they to once in a blue moon they wonder why it's awkward. Hummm, ok but yeah I totally live for that stuff. This week was awesome. A friend and I just hugged and kinda did flirty stuff yet both of us totally knew we were just friends. Though ya know, I miss it. I miss it greatly. Makes me want a bf that I could see everyday and just enjoy doing that with and hopefully have deep convos with. I don't wanna make out I don't want the drama of a bf I just wanna do those little flirty things. I really enjoy doing that. So my friend comes to me today and is upset at the relation my friend is in, and I totally understand why and have been in something similar but at the same time I was almost like just be happy you have someone to enjoy it, maybe rough right now but that's how all relationships are you work through it and they help you grow. Then I found this thing to James from Holly and it was one of those love things and I so remember when I did that for one of my bf's and yeah it just makes me feel lonely cuz most of the people I know are dating someone and yeah. Though I know I don't wanna just date someone, and I know for a fact there isn't anyone here I wanna date at the moment so I'm just kinda sitting here dreaming. I know what I want pretty exactly which I really donno if that's a good or bad thing cuz I really donno if he exists. Then just to make it worse I stick on Bebo (whom I love to listen to) realizing that he sings all these love songs which yeah you get it. The sad thing is I know there are guys who really like me and would be wonderful bf's and would treat me right and such but I'm just too picky. And I know there are guys who are so charming they'd be awesome but again I'm too picky. I want it all smarts, charm, compassion, religion, fun, serious, just that perfectness. When I say that I don't mean total perfectness they can't be that cuz I'm not and that would make me feel bad (is that not horrible or what) but yeah I want them to live on the edge to a certain extent kinda a "good/bad boy". Yes I realize that's the total highschoolness in me I think this who update is but I can't help it. I'm in highschool so sue me. I know I hate drama but I sit here and have my own so stop reading if you don't like it I can't control what weird feelings those stupid hormones give us girls. I wish I could I wouldn't be this way if I could. This isn't happy this isn't fun this isn't what I want. I was mostly fine before mission then I felt that and now it's gone and I donno what to do about it. I've tried my darndest to control it but I'm sitting here about to cry cuz I can't and I know I say I'm not a crier but recently it's become easier ever sense Chris died I'm still so in shock about that. At rally it was so hard and going to rally I was almost in tears. I'm so not good at handling his death I donno how. I've heard everything you can say to someone who has lost someone. I know all that stuff but yah know it doesn't help he's not here anymore and there isn't anything I can do. I can't just call and say hey wanna drive and meet me half way I can't just say hello how are u anymore. Sigh. Ok I think I'm done I can't type anymore. Byes
Looky Old Testament
Exodus 15:2
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.
Exodus 15:13
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.
Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Posted by Mary at
3:39 PM
